Why Game of Thrones Sucks Now.

I hated season 6 of Game of Thrones. It was absolute dogshit. Even the last two episodes of the season, which everyone else seems to love, were awful - from a story standpoint, at least. Season 5, though slightly better (probably as a result of still having GRRM’s books to go off of), had many of the same problems. The chief problem is something I like to call character assassination. And this seems to happen to characters whose plots are unfinished in the books, meaning that hack showrunners DB Weiss and David “The Beardtrimmer” Benioff (as my friend and I call him), have to fill in the gaps in the story. I don’t know how writers can so consistently produce bad content and still be allowed to run the show – even George Lucas got booted from Star Wars after fucking it up enough (although, even the prequels are better than The Force Awakens – or, as is its proper name: Cash Whores Episode VII: Disney’s Pandering Awakens).

In season 5 we were given the utterly disappointing conclusion of Stannis’ storyline, who, although an interesting character, is not particularly complex. So, Stannis burns his daughter at the stake, leads his men into a hopeless charge against cavalry, and gets beheaded by Brienne, which, although so circumstantial it’s almost ridiculous to believe that could ever happen, does lead to some poetic justice. Brienne is a great character, and I’ll touch on her later, as a foil to Jamie Lannister. Brienne does not care about reputation – she cares about truth, while Jamie is quite the opposite. Anyways, all of that shit is completely out of Stannis’ character and the choices the hack showrunners made regarding this storyline make absolutely no sense and are completely indefensible.

Stannis, who has been described as “iron – hard but brittle, he’ll break before he bends”, tells his beloved daughter Shireen that she is his princess and that he’s proud of her, etc, etc, fatherly things. In literally the next episode, he gets so desperate that he sacrifices her. That makes no fucking sense. A hardened military commander who is “hard but brittle”, who just told his daughter he loves her, does something that is not at all supported by the character development, dialogue, and actions we’ve seen thus far. This is not “shocking”. Well, it’s shockingly bad, yes, but it’s not good because it’s surprising or some shit. It’s character assassination. Then came the battle. Stannis, who in both previous major engagements, has displayed what can be described at the very least to be adequate tactical skills (and, despite being defeated in the Battle of the Blackwater, probably would have taken the city if he had not been ambushed by a force led by Tywin Lannister [who should have been tied down in the Riverlands if not for Edmure’s stupidity]). In the battle just beyond the wall, Stannis easily eviscerates the wildling army by catching them in a “pincer” maneuver (thanks, Jon Snow, for the strategy lesson). This commander then decides his best course of action is to just march his small force up to the walls of a giant castle? Why the fuck would he be that stupid?

Even if Stannis was supposed to die, why did it have to be that bad? Why did his character have to be assassinated? I have the exact same issue with Jon Snow, and I’ll get to that in a bit. But part of the reason I think this happened is because of the cringingly obvious and forced social commentary that the hack showrunners seem to be injecting in every possible situation. I am getting really fucking tired of having men be set up as good leaders and tacticians, only to have their characters be assassinated at the last minute so that the hack showrunners can show us that “men are so stupid because they keep fighting, so they are like bad and, women are like, good, aren’t we so enlightened?” In almost every story arc, with the exception of the North, where Jon Snow has been named king (but not in a good way, but in a stupid, forced way where the hack showrunners say, Sansa’s the one that deserves this and these evil men are so sexist because they chose him instead of her), we now have women in positions of power. You have Cersei on the Iron Throne, which admittedly, is fantastic, and I have no complaints with that storyline, you have Olenna Tyrell, you have the horrible Dornish sand dykes or whatever their collective name is, you have the suddenly-forced-lesbian Yara with the Greyjoys, while the penisless, to the hack showrunners delight I’m sure, Theon is constantly reminded about what a bitch he is in the most non-creative and “socially altruistic for everyone but men” way, having been literally emasculated and now dominated by women. Oh, and lets not forget about Daenerys. Fucking Daenerys. I really hate her. Has there ever been a leader as incompetent as her? Even worse than her incompetence is the fact that we have to be told by male characters how wonderful she is all the fucking time, even though she clearly cannot govern effectively in any sense of the word, is turning into a brutal megalomaniac, and nearly gets herself killed in every season, only to be saved through a survive attack by her dragons.

Now, to a certain extent, I’m fine with this. I thoroughly enjoy Cersei’s story arc, and I can appreciate Daenerys’ position in the story, though it would be much more effective if characters could stop telling me how great she is and not be afraid to show her as a conqueror, but also as an incompetent ruler. But really, is it at all realistic that in each of these areas, women have taken control? Now for all you hacks out there who are about to try to bite my dick off for being a “misogynist”, let me just say, I’m not claiming women can’t be effective leaders. Obviously they can be, with the exception of Dany, who just sucks. I’m just saying that in a medieval, feudalistic society, it is completely unbelievable that women would just be allowed to command these great houses. Particularly Dorne, where a group of women, most of which are bastard daughters of someone who was not even the heir to the throne, and their common mother, murdered the Prince of Dorne and seized power. You know what would really happen in that situation? All the fucking houses of that kingdom would revolt against them and kill them for being traitors, which they fucking are. Oh, and speaking of Dorne, there’s another male character who got assassinated, both in terms of getting stabbed in the chest and in having his character from the books basically get shit on by the hack writers who, you guessed it, wanted to prop up women in a leadership role, despite it being logically ridiculous. Doran Martell, in the books, has been conspiring against the crown for years, and has several plots going to bring about their downfall. In the show he’s just a pussy, I guess, weak before the radiant strength of women. In the books of course, this is all so much better, which begs the question, why didn’t those hack frauds, DB Weiss and Beardtrimmer, just copy that fucking storyline like they did with all the other ones that were good in both the book and the show? I don’t know. I don’t think they do either.

In the books, Doran’s daughter, Arianne or some shit, kidnaps Myrcella in an attempt to place her on the iron throne, because she believes she can control her and that women make better rulers, etc. I’m fine with that. Because it’s not forced social commentary that's like prechewed food that the hack fraud writers are trying to force feed me. It’s just what one character thinks, which is, you know, how you write a fucking story. Her plot is discovered, defeated, and Doran then reveals to her his longtime plot. Both characters are fully realized people with ideas and agendas. It doesn’t feel like GRRM is sexist; it feels realistic, especially for the time period this is representative of. But nope. In the show, he just gets fucked by smart women who know better than him. The supposedly brilliant warrior Areo Hotah, whose axe has only actually been used once, is stabbed in the back by a twelve year old girl and dies immediately. Now again, I don’t have a problem with the idea of men being killed by women in the story. That’s fine. But why do the men have to be made out to be weak idiots? It doesn’t make any goddamn sense and the overall quality of the plot is consistently sacrificed to service this political-agenda laden gynocracy. That’s the problem I have – the story sucks now, and it doesn’t need to. George RR Martin writes fantastic, fully realized women in his stories. And he doesn’t sacrifice inner logic and plot development in order to do so. I don’t know why Weiss and Beardtrimmer can’t do this, but I suspect it has to do with their status as hack frauds.

Now we’ll talk about Jon Snow. Poor Jon Snow. What have they done to you. I’ll tell you. They’ve gone back on 5 seasons of character development to make you look stupid so that they can tell us that Sansa Stark is supposedly a better leader than you because, well, I don’t know why, she’s never been a leader before, but she’s a woman goddamn it, and if our fantasy shows should do anything, its push a political statement at the expense of a logical plot. As I said, Jon Snow has been consistently built up to fill a role as a smart, kind, and effective commander. This is flawlessly done in the books and up to season 5 in the show. Jon Snow consistently has his beliefs challenged, gains perspective, and is taught by mentors like Jeor Mormont, Qhorin Half-hand, Mance Rayder, Stannis Barathen, and Davos Seaworth. He’s the best character in the show.

And then they just make him stupid for no good fucking reason. Let’s back up. I’ll talk about the battle of the bastards in a bit. But the thing that pisses me off the most is Jon Snow’s resurrection. Everyone knew this was going to happen, and I think that the actual execution of this even in the plot is very well done. You have Melisandre, who’s faith has been shaken, giving her belief one last go, and Davos, who, despite disliking her personally, has respect for her abilities, asking her to help. It’s a great scene. But then nothing fucking happens! He doesn’t do, say, or think anything differently after he’s brought back from the dead so it’s the same fucking thing whether he died or not. No one asks him how he feels about being resurrected. No one even says it when they’re going around trying to gather support for their cause. You would think that the fact that your leader was resurrected by a God would probably be a good marketing angle for you cause. But no, no one says anything about it and its just kind of forgotten about. He says something about not wanting to be brought back, but it’s bullshit. He doesn’t say anything about why he feels that way. He just does, I guess. Relatable, right?

Now we’ll talk about the battle. And how it makes no sense. Before I do though, let me just say that I have no complaints with the actual construction and visual execution of this sequence. It’s visually stunning and the director of the episode should be the sole director of Game of Thrones for the rest of its run. My complaints are about the inner logic and plot development leading up to that point. This is mainly centered around Rickon. Poor Rickon, we hardly knew ye. Before the battle, Sansa basically says that Rickon is a lost cause, and that Jon should keep that in mind. Ok, fine. Except for the fact this doesn’t make sense for the characters. Jon Snow is a soldier – if anyone should be able to accept the death of a (supposed) half-brother, it would be him. Not Sansa. Just when did Sansa become so cold? People might say that being raped would change her character, but in my mind, that has nothing to do with how she would feel about her family. It makes sense that she would enjoy watching Ramsey be killed – I get it. But just because of that traumatic experience, would she suddenly feel that her own brother is essentially disposable? Get the fuck outta here with that. It’s stupid. It’s inexcusable. So anyways, Jon Snow, the hardened veteran who’s had to kill his own men on multiple occasions, either as punishment, or as retribution for rebellion, or to fit in with the wildlings, the man who has gone through all that plot development, is super naïve about his strategic position. Ramsey is going to kill Rickon. Yes. He would be the one to understand that, and Sansa can also understand it. But no, we have to have Sansa trying to convince a stupid man, one who has always been shown to listen to his subordinates and take in different perspectives for the greater good, who will not listen to her. Then, at the battle, Jon Snow runs out to save Rickon and nearly dooms himself and thousands of his own men. IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. IT'S A BETRAYAL OF THE CHARACTER. This was the moment to show how the character has changed over several years of experience, and they absolutely, irreversibly fucked it up. Now I don’t know who the character is. Is he a calm, collected, reasonable leader, as he’s been shown to be? Or is he a hot-headed, self-centered, short-sighted idiot, as he’s been displayed to be in this season? I don’t know. I don’t trust the writers.

Then, when the rebels without a cause get their dumb asses surrounded, Sansa and Littlefinger swoop in and save the day. FUCK YOU. Do you think I’m stupid? There’s nothing like a classic Deus Ex Machina to say “fuck you” to your audience. I don’t care what anyone says. There is no good reason for Sansa not to tell Jon about the Vale soldiers. Does she not trust him? He’s the most trustworthy motherfucker in Westeros. She should have told him, so that Jon could’ve shown his strategic skill in the battle and utilized them properly so that he could’ve won the battle, since, you know, he’s the fucking hero of the story. They basically made the main character of the story look like a fucking dumbass for no reason, other than to show that Sansa is the better leader than Jon, or that he’s stupid, I don’t know. Nevermind the fact that Jon Snow has had tons of leadership training up to this point, and Sansa has been emotionally tortured for years. Do you see how logic is being thrown out the window? Anyways, Jon is crowned King in the North and we are given a conniving look between that fucking dildo Petyr Baelish and Sansa, saying, see how stupid they all are? It was at this point that I tried to stab my own eyes out so that I could no longer be exposed to this pure, unadulterated entertainment detritus. Thankfully, my friend stopped me, and held me as I shook and sobbed, saying “The book will make it all ok…just wait for the book.”

And now we come to the worst character assassination of all. Arya Stark. In one episode, Arya goes against the faceless men and refuses to kill an actress that she admires. Ok, cool. I’m onboard. She retrieves her sword and goes and hides out. Great, makes sense. She knows she will have to be careful with the faceless men. THE NEXT EPISODE, she’s strolling around the city like a dumb bitch, lingering on bridges to stare imposingly over waterways, and then gets stabbed in the stomach by the waif. I think, ok, well there must be some crazy awesome revelation coming, because Arya would never be so stupid! Jaqen H’ghar must be sacrificing himself for his favorite student, in a denial of the philosophy he’s held his whole life, a la Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon! I can’t wait to see what happens. But nope. Arya just flew in the face of all the precautions she took in literally the episode before this and gets stabbed. I don’t know why this happens. I guess it’s so that she can wander back to the actress for help, and accidentally cause her death. Stupid. No one cares about the actress. Then she kills the waif, utilizing the skills she learned while being blinded (which is admittedly pretty cool), and Jaqen tells her that “she’s finally no one” which makes no fucking sense because she is literally more “someone” than she has ever been, but whatever. Go. Fuck. Yourself. This is bad writing in its purest form.

Now, while Arya is the most obvious character assassination, I’m going to talk about the one that offends me the most: Jamie Lannister. The best scene in the entire show is where Jaime tells Brienne the truth about his murder of the Mad King, saying that he killed him because he wanted to burn the entire city to the ground, and that he had ordered Jaime to bring him the head of his father. It is such a wonderful development for the character, and a great scene in every way possible. I'll include the video below:

Jamie is submitting himself to Brienne, and allowing her to see who he really is, because he deeply trusts and respects her. His stump of a hand, always in the shot, reminds us of how he has changed physically, and the tole that's taken on him, instigating his development. Brienne is a strong, interesting female character, and in this scene, Jamie is not assassinated in order to allow for that. Jamie describes how everyone leaps to conclusions about him, and this is evidenced in that very conversation: Jamie insults Renly Baratheon, the man Brienne loved, and she reacts angrily; He apologizes, and Brienne thinks he is only continuing to mock her. It’s brilliant. It’s a reversal of expectations. It’s a reversal of expected gender roles that feels organic. This is, of course, thanks to George RR Martin, and not Weiss and Beardtrimmer. Instead, it is used as a moment to advance Jamie’s character, while also positioning a woman in a non-traditional role. This is, to reiterate, my favorite scene in the show, if not television history. Unlike Theon, Jamie has not been “emasculated” by the loss of his hand, but instead, he now has to challenge his entire identity. Jamie has always gauged himself as a magnificent soldier and swordsmen, and now, after the loss of that ability, he must challenge it. He must look deeper within himself than he has ever had to, and in order to do that, he has to expose himself to someone, which happens to be Brienne. He shows his true colors, not the mask he’s been hiding behind, and realizes that there is something deeper to him than his ability with a sword. It’s just wonderful. And Brienne is displayed in a dominant, powerful role over this man, and yet she surrenders that in order to care for him. These are real people.

In the books, this is a real turning point for Jamie. He realizes that Cersei is an irresponsible and rather abusive person, and their relationship is fractured. During the siege of Riverrun, she writes to him for help, But Jamie ignores her and instead goes off with Brienne to pursue Sansa who, in the books, is not currently in the North. THIS IS CONSISTENT WITH THE PLOT DEVELOPMENT JAMIE HAS GONE THROUGH. He is questioning who he is and what he cares about, and his choice in that situation is consistent with that progression. But, in the show, at the same point, Jamie reverts on all this plot development, declaring his love and commitment to Cersei, and showing his willingness to commit brutal acts of violence on her behalf, threatening Edmure’s infant son, which is reminiscent of his pushing Bran Stark out of a window. THEY TOOK HIM ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE FUCKING SHOW. He’s gone in a complete circle. It’s stupid. It’s bad writing. It’s offensive to my intelligence. And worst of all, it’s a total reversal and simplification in the development of a fascinating and complex character.

Another great scene in the show is when the Hound tells Arya about how his brother, the Mountain, burned his face in a fire. Arya and the Hound are my two favorite characters in the books and the show. And this scene is a perfect display of these two characters learning to express trust and compassion for one another, something both of them have struggled with. Again, here's the video of that scene:

The Hound reveals his painful history to her, and expresses vulnerability, and Arya meets that honesty with kindness, stitching his wounds for him. This is so great because it’s not a “man vs. woman” bullshit fucking thing. He’s a good man who doesn’t know he is yet, not until later when he admits to Brienne that he’s not even trying to ransom her anymore, he’s just watching over her. The Hound and Arya see some commonality in the cruel circumstances they’ve both encountered, and despite everything, feel compassion for each other. It’s just two characters meeting to grow in an interesting way. This is the problem. It should not matter if a character is male or female. They should just be people. George RR Martin does this perfectly. Messrs. Hack, being Weiss and Beardtrimmer, completely fuck this up, likely due to their total lack of talent and skill and their inability to tell a story that is coherent and adherent to an internal logic. They make it matter that women are against men. The two examples I just cited are so excellent because they arise naturally out of the dynamics between the characters and the inner conflict they are going through, which is what a character arc is. They feel logical and require little to no suspension of disbelief.

There’s a great video where Morgan Freeman is talking to a some stupid liberal guy, saying that black history month is “ridiculous”, because black history is American history. The other guy says “well, then how can we overcome racism?” and Morgan Freeman says “stop [fucking] talking about it [you dumb idiot]. I’ll stop thinking of you as a ‘white man’, and I’m going to ask you to stop thinking of me as a ‘black man’”. This is a lesson that the “writers” of Game of Thrones should learn. You do not need to assassinate a male character in order to present a strong female character, and if you think you do, it’s because you suck at writing, which, of course, they do. Amazingly, you can have male AND female characters that are intelligent, three-dimensional, and consistent with their plot development. This is the kind of pandering bullshit that “feminists” eat up, and it’s the kind of social commentary that I find to be toxic and utterly ineffective. It’s forced, obvious, and unnecessary, designed for people incapable of understanding the historical reality of the show and the story as a whole. You will not convince anyone that doesn’t already agree with you with that bullshit. In all the seasons that follow books that have already been written and released by George RR Martin, everything is done flawlessly. He presents unique perspectives in a historical context that women have never been prominent in, and creates characters that are complex and round and compelling. In season 6, which is totally beyond the scope of the books now, it’s fucking stupid.

A good story does not sacrifice characters in order to further a socially progressive goal. This makes it logically self-collapsing and uninteresting, which Game of Thrones has of course become. It should operate logically within our experience and yet propose a new perspective. This is what George RR Martin understands, and hack frauds Weiss and Beardtrimmer clearly do not. I am totally disappointed by the latest season of this show and have lost all faith in the narrative Weiss and Beardtrimmer are presenting. When writers lose the faith of the audience, the show is dead on arrival. It feels hollow, like it’s been turned into a tool and can no longer been enjoyed within its own context.

All of these pitfalls are of course completely avoidable. There was a show that ended a few years ago on Stars that is actually pretty comparable to Game of Throne, and that was the Spartacus series. The series featured giant, pitched battles, excellent choreography, great dialogue (Crixus: “Don’t die too quickly.” Gnaeus: “Me? I will fuck your corpse.” Laughter. Crixus: “With what cock?” laughter.), and more than anything, plot consistency. Despite looking terribly low budget in its first seasons, Spartacus captured a wide audience with tense “upstairs” drama, followed by brutal action in the arena. Sound similar to anything?

Anyways, Spartacus succeeded in all the ways that Game of Thrones is currently failing. It had strong, interesting female characters with complex personalities, and yet they still existed within the historical limitations of their accepted culture. Characterization was not abandoned at the last minute for the sake of convenience or for whatever reason Weiss and Beardtrimmer do this, which is beyond my comprehension. Every decision the characters make maintains a consistency with where the character is in their progression. To get really specific, I’m going to compare Spartacus to Jon Snow.

Now, in Spartacus, you already know that the titular character is going to die at the end. You know the outcome of the Servile Wars. The challenge is to make the audience feel as though Spartacus has achieved something despite these foregone conclusions, and to somehow show his defeat without displaying your main character as an idiot. So, how is this accomplished? During the entire final season of the show, Spartacus has been pitted against Marcus Crassus. They constantly one-up each other, in a cat and mouse game on a massive scale. However, one of Spartacus’ generals, Crixus, (who delivers much of the show’s best dialogue: Ashur: “A pile of shit, not a cock among them!” Crixus: “Well then you should join them, you little cunt!”) is at odds with Spartacus’ ultimate goal. Spartacus wants to escape Rome and flee abroad, but Crixus, known as the Undefeated Gaul, wants to retaliate against the Empire and die the glorious death of the gladiator. This is consistent for the characters. While their goals have been congruous for quite a while, they are now divided. Crixus leaves with most of the fighting men and women, leaving both groups weaker, burns a path to Rome, and is defeated at its gates by Marcus Crassus. Crassus then pursues Spartacus, who is trying to pass through the Alps.

Crassus eventually catches up with Spartacus, and Spartacus knows that there is a very slim chance that he will defeat Crassus in battle. Spartacus has sent off ahead those who are unable or unwilling to fight, hoping to stall Crassus long enough for them to make it to the mountains, where it will be nearly impossible for the Romans to track them down. The stage is set. Spartacus is a brilliant tactician, but so is Crassus, and Crassus has many more men. THIS IS WHERE THE TWO SHOWS DIFFER. If this final episode had been written by the Hacks Supreme, the episode probably would have turned out with Spartacus doing something stupid, running out to try to kill Marcus Crassus, despite the fact that any person with a brain cell wouldn’t be that stupid, and dooming his whole army, because, I don’t know, maybe Crassus was going to crucify some slave or something. They would have accomplished the goal of having Spartacus die at the end, which as I said, the audience knows will happen, but it would have been utterly dissatisfying. It would have made the character look like an idiot and it would have been totally inconsistent with his character arc, and besides that would have just been a terrible conclusion to a story. THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THEY FUCKING DID WITH JON SNOW. Am I right or am I right?

Anyways, in this show, Spartacus devises a plan which, although a long shot, may tip the balance in their favor. He has his troops dig trenches and build ladders, which they use to surprise and overcome the impenetrable Roman phalanx, a strategy that allowed the Empire to conquer much of Europe and Africa. He also sends a group of soldiers on horseback to flank Crassus, in order to commandeer their ballista and catapults, and use it against the Romans. Do you see why this is better than the Battle of the Idiots?

Crassus, however, knows Spartacus is a great tactician, and is extremely cautious, and so he counters Spartacus’s strategy by pushing forward, knowing Spartacus had expected him to retreat and secure his rear. Both our characters are smart and capable – it’s compelling. Crassus is a great antagonist: he's intelligent, respectful of his enemy, and philosophically opposed to him. Compare him to Ramsey Bolton in Game of Thrones...a mustache twirling sadist that's easy to hate. Just atrocious. Anyways, In a last ditch effort, Spartacus thinks that if he can kill Crassus, his army will fall into disarray, giving the rebels an advantage. Spartacus and Crassus engage, and Spartacus, while wounded, still manages to defeat Crassus, who some would say is the superior fighter, because of his commitment to his cause. Crassus uses a trick we saw him develop early in the season during a training session, in where he makes himself appear vulnerable by losing his weapon, and then grabbing the blade of the sword Spartacus thrusts at him, ripping it from is grasp, and whirling around to stab Spartacus in the gut with it. But Spartacus grabs the blade, flips Crassus, and is prepared to kill him. Again, this is totally consistent with the character. The whole time, Spartacus has always held the opinion that a man driven by belief can accomplish anything, and he nearly does. However, at the last moment, when he is about to strike down Marcus Crassus, some Roman troops come to his rescue, and overpower Spartacus, mortally wounding him. One of Spartacus’ friends comes after him, kills the Romans, and flees with his friend. As they escape, Spartacus sees the last remnants of his army being surrounded.

He awakens later, close to death, to find that some of the rebels who had gone off to the Alps had waited, hoping for Spartacus to be successful. The others went on, and were killed by Pompeii, who was returning from a campaign abroad and intercepted them. Spartacus has one last moment with those closest to him, and then dies, with this last group going on to spread his legend.

This is good writing. It was a satisfying conclusion to a story, and even more impressive is that it managed to be satisfying despite my foreknowledge of the conclusion. Game of Thrones has the advantage of their audience not knowing how the plot is going to turn out, and even so they still fuck it up and make a conclusion to a story arc that left me thinking: “Why the fuck did he do that?” Is that what anyone wants to be asking at the end of a season of their favorite show? No, definitely not.

It feels synthetic. The drama of whether Jon Snow will survive or not does not arise organically from a well-made plot. It feels synthetic. Ideally, in any medium, the art should feel like it is merely being “uncovered”, as if it existed before the artist even discovered it. Season 6 of Game of Thrones is not that. It is synthetic, forced, obvious, inconsistent, and quite simply a bastardization of the source material. It's disappointing, and I have little faith that these two "writers" will correct these egregious errors in the coming seasons. Goddamn hack frauds.